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Monday, Jul 24th

Last update:04:36:36 AM GMT

Marriage & Pregnancy

When you come across a happy looking couple, the first thing that strikes you is how happy it looks. It does not matter how long they’ve been together, you imagine them to have stayed in love in good times and bad. People wonder how such couples manage to stay this way. Are they lucky? This happens only through trust and commitment. They believe that to have a healthy relationship they have to work towards it. Here are some probable secrets:
  • Honesty is vital: There should be no mistrust between partners as that is enough to break a relationship. Always tell him/her everything so that he/she doesn’t ever question your sense of integrity.
  • Have a practical vision of committed relationships: You need to know that infatuation is not going to last long. It is serious commitment that stands a chance of making the relationship stronger, deeper and richer.
  • Respect your partner: If you treat your partner with respect, you will also get respect in return. You should keep on telling your partner how much he/she means to you. And don’t take him/her for granted, ever.
  • Work on the bond: A couple should always communicate with each other in important matters and clear misunderstandings immediately.
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  • Don’t expect your partner to change: Stop trying to change your partner. This will help you avoid most arguments.
  • You should adjust to your partner and give him/her what he/she wants. By doing this, you will avoid arguments. This may seem a little difficult in the beginning, but will definitely help you.
  • Communicate: Communicating with your partner is very vital. First, listen to your partner and try and put yourself in his/her shoes. Then let him/her express his/her thoughts without interruption. You may sometimes also accept few things and bend a little. By doing this you are likely to come up with some solution to the problem.
  • Spend time together: You have to share time with your spouse, no matter what. When you plan some time to be alone, away from the kids, pets, other members of the family, it is welcome as it is likely to help form stronger bonds.
  • Spend some time alone: It is always very important to spend some time without each other’s company. You should have some separate interests and activities so that when you come back together, you have so much to share with each other. You will realize the importance of your partner only when you actually begin to miss him.
  • Take advantage of differences: You need to pay attention to this aspect. There might be some qualities that attracted you to your partner and those may be the ones which drive you crazy now. Stop and think. Take a fresh look at these differences. Try to look at the positive aspects of it. It may help you in balancing the differences and in turn help your relationship become more healthy.
You may think this is not going to be easy. But, you have to be patient and make all possible efforts to maintain a good and happy relationship. A couple enjoys independence, freedom and spontaneity in their life till the arrival of their new born. The baby can have a tremendous effect on their passionate relationship. Their days and nights become full of baby cries, changing diapers and sleepless nights. They both start arguing about who’s turn is it to get up at night with the baby. It is therefore important to keep the intimacy between you and your partner alive. Its not that you can not have romance in your life because of your child. You have to work for that. You may need creativity and communication. But lets discuss why this happens so.

What Turns you Off
There are various reasons that may affect the intimacy between you and your partner.
Your hormones
You may suffer from postpartum depression due to significant drop of estrogen and progesterone after childbirth and this could interfere with your sexual drive. This depression may differ from individual to individual and it lasts for few days to six weeks after birth.
Low energy
You tend to have natural anxiety about the new delicate life. There are sleepless nights due to the demands of your newborn, like breast feeding and changing diapers, etc. All this takes up the energy that you need to have a intimate relationship with each other.
Physical discomfort
A woman experiences certain amount of discomfort even after childbirth. The body needs some time to restore the damages that take place during the birthing process and the changes that the body has undergone during pregnancy like engorged breasts, healing of caesarean section wound in case of caesarean birth, tender vagina etc. Pain associated with these may be aggravated during sexual intercourse.
Need for privacy
When it’s just the two of you in the house, you get used to the freedom of making love whenever and where ever desired. But with the baby around, that is no more the case. Even though you know that the baby is not aware of your sexual acts, it can make a difference.

What Turns You On
We agree that love, romance and sex may be the furthest thing from your mind as you have too much on your hands. However, if this 24-hour job is casting clouds over the relationship you once shared with your spouse, just relax! Here are some suggestions for moving towards a healthy sexual relationship as new parents.
Take your time
Most of the gynaecologists advice to take time to recover from all the pains a woman experiences during childbirth. Do not be in a hurry for sexual activity till your body permits and is comfortable. It is advisable for a new mother to give herself a period of at least two months to completely recover mentally as well as physically.
Do not resent the child
You have to work together as a family and understand that your bundle of joy will definitely have some change on your romantic life. By doing this you will get more comfortable and adjust with the situation and won’t resent your child.
Get a life together
As new parents you both have different roles and new responsibilities. You should not neglect your spouse. Now you have to take care of each other as well as your new baby.
Communicate
Always communicate with your partner as it will help you nurture a healthy relationship. Start having an honest and open communication quite before the baby’s arrival. This will help you to get over your frustrations.
Exercise
Exercise regularly. This will keep you fit and help you in your sex life. Try doing exercises which involve tensing of muscles around the vagina and anus. Ask your gynaecologist for further information on such exercises.
Don’t share your bed with the baby
Do not let your baby sleep with you and your husband in the same bed. Apart from the risk of suffocation, it will be difficult for you to break the habit. This will also give you and your spouse to be more intimate with each other.
Be creative
You can always express your love to your partner in many different ways. You can give company to your wife when she has to get up in the night to feed the baby. You can always make interesting talk with her and thus keep the passion alive.
Lubrication
After the delivery there is alteration in the hormonal levels due to which there is dryness in the vaginal area. You can use lubricating vaginal creams or KY Jelly etc.
Try different positions. This will give you the opportunity to explore new methods of lovemaking.
Keep a little understanding and patience and you will realise that it is not so hard to see love, sex and romance return in your life after becoming new parents. A little effort from both will help you in getting your intimacy back.

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